Well well, the time now is 5:33am.

I got home at 4:45am on a sunday morning.

Last morning, I slept at past 9am but got up at 4:15pm.

I saw his personal message and i found myself crying uncontrollably.

When can I stop behaving myself, I asked myself.

Then Vivian came and looked for me.

Hip called and asked if I wanted to go town to have a drink with Ahlun and her bf.

Since I'm so free and I do not want to stay at home, I decided to head down to Town.

Prepared myself and walked to grandma house for dinner first.

Mummy, aunt and sister called me and told me that they love me.

I felt so glad. Because I'm awared that they are worried that I will do anything silly or whatsoever so they called me one after another to tell me how precious I am to them.

I don't deny that this pain that lies within is still haunting me all the time, I know it very clearly that it is not that easy to ease this pain. But what I want to tell them is that I will not kill myself or hurt myself.

After dinner, took the train and vivian alighted at Lakeside while I continued the journey down to Orchard. Met hip and ahlun at Shaw house, MCafe. They talked about tattoo thing and once in the blue moon, I thought of getting one too but then I'm afraid of the sound and also the pain. Ya I know I'm weak. Lepak there till about 11pm, we walked to cinne. Ahlun and bf went off first, leaving hip and me.

We had seriously no idea what to do as I do not want to catch a movie so I can't accompany my dearest hip when she asked if I wanna hit to the cinema. Sorry my hip.

Wanted to had tea at HongKong cafe but the queue was hell of a long so we went playing pool at Kpool. Hip was laughing and laughing. So adorable (:

Then after pool, back to Hongkong cafe and had milk tea and I ordered a kaya with butter toast. Still we can't finish it. Because she's not hungry and i realised this few days, i ate very little and the toast was indeed too much for me.

Xinlong called and told me he and xiaopang were coming down by car but liar, they came in ONE bike but told me 2bike -.-.

Hip's bf, Hudson and his friends went down cinne intending to catch a movie.

Hip went with them in the end.

Xinlong and xiaopang decided to head to Bishan while I left alone to take the night rider home.

It's been so long since I last took NR5 and I lost my way.

I went to the wrong bus stop and had to cross to the opposite and I walked to a dead end and that was indeed so scary.

Made my way out and walked to the wrong bus stop again. Called hip and she somehow directed me and finally, I reached the correct bus stop.

The feeling of being so alone is frightening.

When I'm alone for that hours, I thought a lot to myself.

I told myself that I have to learn to be independent, I told myself I have to get use of the life by not to be dependent on anyone. But I'm afraid. I dare not, I gave up.

At that point of time, I suddenly realised that I need someone to bring me home.

The memories are still so fresh in my head. Is there any medicine that will aid in losing of unwanted memories?

And are tears supposed to be warm?

Okay, going for a stick of cig and I will want to talk to my Lord.

I pray for prayers to be answered. I pray that in times to come, things will be better, for us.

Bye people.