Monday, April 5, 2010

It's 6:00am and I am wide awake.
Human clock is spoilt, once again.
Went out to meet K at about 3am and back at 5am.
He helped me to spend 2 hours of the solitary night.
I just browsed through my Archive and I realised that is how I spent my time last time.
My life just revolves with him, and still him.
I always think he is the one who I can rely with worries being reduced to minimal.
I thought that we walked so far, and finally it's time to hit the finishing line.
I thought that it's finally like the proverb, after a storm comes a calm.
I thought that life will be a bed of roses once he comes back.
I thought that he is everything that I ever needed.
I thought that Fate brought us together.
No matter how dejected I feel, I never lost hope.
Whenever I starts to move on, or start a new relationship, he will comes in the picture just in time.
Now, it's like I had been living in self denial for this period of five years.
Yes, I am talking about five years now!
People who are or used to be in my shoes will comprehend this agony here.
It's never easy for me trying to salvage every little things, it's never easy for me who tried to patch those pieces up and practically neglected the fact that I hurt myself.
I gave him the best that I ever could.
I hurt my loved ones like never before.
Everything I do, I made him the priority.
But all this is not being appreciated. It's being taken for granted.
Like when gratitude is being replaced by attitude.
I remembered the pain that was so excruciating.
I had it all to myself, I bore it myself.
But I never once mutilate myself.
And I'm glad I never.
Because all this is over.
I am moving on, so well.
At least, he is not the one who I misses daily.
Maybe occassionally but that is just to remind me not to repeat the same old mistakes another time.
Despite I still hear news or tales about you, I am not so greatly affected like before.
It's a great start of a new chapter.
I just pray hard, that will be the last time.
No more recurrence. It is more than enough.